from these palisades you can see the dead
alongside the stony brook where once I lay
in wretched confinement to the bastille on the shore
dreaming to uncover the one I adore
through bitter poetry — i stab at the walls
drag the quill through the celestial ayin with whom i am
entwined, entranced, and altogether helpless
in the euphoria of emotion will i dance
now I use antonyms to describe the one i love
as the corrupted throne in my heart of late lies dormant with desire
to one day rejoice at the return of a master to the godless soul
all consumed in the waters of tasteless desire to be unborn
to be unborn into the arms of she who holds the key
to return to that eternal driving force in the sails
to unmake my mistakes and fix the floors of my galleon
leading to a return to my mother’s womb again
for grace to draw the first breath as if it was
the final execution born into a universe formless
like yahweh’s silent monologue exiting my throat as if conditioned
by an egyptian babe’s wailing cry unintelligible to all but me
as symptoms of synesthesia and at the most extreme
embalming fluid taking the carcass into the destructive villa under the sea
where i make love with the apostasy and reincarnate
as a weed growing in the desert covering my old body
burn me out of eden and turn my eyes towards the winter
note that my feelings on death come from knowing that it’s all there is
take the wooden cross from the church where my mother gave birth
to an entire world strung up with torn skin, flush lips, and fire
the fire consumes the soul, oh how i have grown so old
my pale bones see straight through the boiling blood to the unreal
my sister is just a ghastly fragment lying below the hearth
so soft in my arms, she can bring the ecstasy to this life
yet i am scorched in an inferno aeons in the making
consumed by the desire for love that i’m told will set me free
but by the look of this misery i can tell my passing thought
that god giveth and man taketh away will keep me sustained i have long been worried that my lust for death would exhume my corpse before it’s time had come to return to the dying star xibalba
lit in flames we all wander into the inner sanctum of the tabernacle
we close our eyes then drop to the desert sand like heavy stones
i crawl back into the vacuous opening from which i was released take the knife and plunge it into my neck, then set adrift on an open sea
we all pass away with dilated pupils looking towards heaven’s abyss my unscathed mind leaves the flesh to lie with beauty on empyrean shores
then i am scorched in an inferno aeons in the making
consumed by the desire for love that i’m told will set me free
but by the look of this misery i can tell my passing thought
that god giveth and man taketh away will keep me sustained entire worlds bend the knee just to see a faint vision of the almighty
leading a thousand nations towards the sweet smell of victory
while trampling every lost sinner writhing in carnal pleasures
illustrating that god giveth and god taketh away
i swear that i am more than an infantile machine
you can’t quantize my feelings
belong to a dead god who left me here in vast eons
in solitude i am hanging on to my past life
yet you can’t quantize my feelings
for being human without the body suspended from air
with black eyes of holocaust
the fire is bathed in sun blood
rising from the cradle of civilization
to reign with a punishing love
with white eyes of holocaust
i surrender all holy blood
in the most surreal cathedral
i was transfixed by an effigy of christ
but then it bled….
think of the rivers of blood…
it’s intoxicating…
with black eyes of holocaust
i stare into the putrid dark
it’s so quiet without my thoughts
naked i fall into your body
with red eyes of holocaust
i surrender my holy blood
in exchange for the serenity you give
the hangman in the public square
but then he suffocates…
his mouth a tributary for all the rivers of blood…
it’s intoxicating…
to think our love could have been more
than little shadows flailing in the wind
drag my body into space so that god may take away
the breath i make as if a mistake; take away
i met god in the caves to xibalba. she told me to surrender my life…
i met god in the caves to xibalba. she told me to surrender; so i did…
so have it, this piece of shit
i don’t want it, i don’t want it anyways…
punish me as others stare so that god may take away
all of this pain i dream of; take away…
i met god in the caves to xibalba. she told me to surrender; so i did myself in.
i met god in the caves to xibalba. she told me to surrender; so i did…
it’s a dirty habit, death the fetish
but i want this, i want this…
about
An unexpected meditative journey through the true nature of the universe surrounding us. A search for god in aesthetic soundscapes as seen through the eyes of a perpetually depressed human being. This thing we call god is sound frequencies moving like particles through the body. It is such a beautiful crystalline thing. It's so harsh to compare it to the very extreme of the mind leaving the body and only blood behind. Don't even worry about burying me. Just play something nice at the funeral.
credits
released October 8, 2015
- Chris Romans - Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Synths, Programming, Harmonica, Noise
- Jon Savard - Drone Guitar on "you can't quantize my feelings (drifting through the petricor)"
- Marisa Frantz - Vocal harmonies on "i met god in the caves to xibalba. she told me to surrender. so i did..."
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