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so ready to close my eyes

by The Last Surrealist

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1.
love me as I rest in a bed of roses as I lie naked in the doorway drifting off to sleep or waking to a new life dreaming that i can escape into the darkened night sky with the light of a fire burning the wicker grave where I lie stargazing love me as I look into your eyes quiet as the shoreline returning to the edge of a floating world be- hind my eyes drinking liquor with her christ in petty chapel pews vomiting the porcelain lies confided in burning embers of a child left sinking in the river under the world love me in the morning after the excited body wanes into the after- life as a new creation takes the place of god and my flesh in unison create the endless sphere where you only exist for a moment then drift and are placed upon my naked body underwater and we may float to another dawning world to drink another love me for a moment (baby I'm tired) can't you fucking hear my words protruding through the depressed dirt where I linger with the footprints of a gypsy universe examining my corpse for gold and trinkets of meaningless nothing since we're dead and sinking exhausted waste in a bottle of brandy that god is drinking as we're left naked, swimming...
2.
you will be exiled from this existence and you will die most importantly, you will take your own life you will be exalted at the end of this
 in a palace
 overlooking the firmament you will watch your family burned alive as ghosts place your neck in chains you will be exalted at the end of this in a palace 
lit by the warmest flames 
swimming towards a bright light 
a distant beckoning beacon on the skyline
 too distant for your fragile arms to reach
 so you drown like a sleeping child 
 in the terror of the night you will be exiled from this existence and you will die you will take your own life

 you will be exalted at the end of this
 in a palace
 with no memory of ever being in this place
3.
i just want to be alone with myself and hide under the water like its a coat its so cold, i’m a ghost you cannot see me, it’s so freeing to be without the urgency to be inside of my home where i’m most comfortable i walk around naked just to feel something no shoes, no shirt, nobody cares if at the end of the day i am still here i find myself getting angry with the notion that i have to live another sixty years with this weight on my chest my family is dead, and my friends are for nothing but to pass the time until i’m in a better place under this water i almost feel like everything could be okay but i’m actually feeling pretty suicidal today so i’ll keep dreaming about living like i’m deceased then i won’t have to feel anything
4.
in a distant village bed
 a woman’s eyes change color
 as death the conqueror comes 
in the form of invisible fire 

to consume the earth
 in a deluge of shadow
 dancing with her in a crypt
 crippling her flesh, but what if…

 she becomes immaterial
 a metaphysical being
 unseen until the next morning 
in eternal chains of misery

 she is my love with firm roots
 snuffed out in a dark room
 by invisible fire pouring 
 like wine over me 
 fog rolls over the hillside 
i thought i saw her in a dream
 i can sense this agony i can sense her defeat

 death will always leave us asunder if only for a moment
 until like a newborn i experience 
 the sweet release that enables us
 to love one another
 even if we will only become ether bound to the eternal chains of misery

 to drown one another
 in our blood surrendered 
to holy walls of fire in our blood surrendered
 to holy walls of fire in our blood surrendered 
to holy walls of fire in our blood surrendered to holy walls of fire
 to holy walls of fire
 to holy walls of fire
5.
This wandering ghost How shall it live? Haunting the ones it once loved? Or inciting a fear in death? This wandering ghost Baptized in christ Would give its life again If for another kind This wandering ghost How shall it live? Some say by virtue of Prior decisions made It will walk alone Under star light shone The ever looming dark In empty cathedrals - dawn This wandering ghost Wishes to exist… But in some other vessel Of godless flesh… This wandering ghost How shall it die? Cursed to bear future sin In the coming nights For all that was once light And all solitude that endures She saw the fear of god in him Then slowly opened her eyes And spoke… So be gone now… be gone now… be gone now…
6.
why do you feel the need to point a gun at me i have always wondered what I’ve done to deserve it maybe you just have sadistic tendencies that could explain your behavior you may as well just kill me my life is obviously of no value to you baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this? you make me want to slit my wrists how can anyone be expected to live like this? in the black dungeon of violence you tear my flesh clean from the bone but I only want to be loved… i just want to feel like I’m not going to die in my home and maybe that god will save me from feeling so alone baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this? baby why you treat me like this?
7.
I’m so ready to close my eyes I’m so ready to close my eyes there is nothing but beauty in this time of longing but can beauty set a captive free? we think so little of the consequences… we care so little about the imminent death of everything…
8.
Instrumental

about

I have a tendency to think about the same depressing events over and over again. I can sometimes escape for little moments in time, but always drift back to the same thoughts. Some days I feel like I'm doing fine, but then others I just feel like I want to die. I'm not sure that anyone should have to walk around and act normal while still poorly coping with unresolved deaths and abuse.

These songs encapsulate some of the emotions that stem from this sensation.

REVIEW EXCERPTS:

"It's really a subtle, ethereal, and haunting album. The only thing that's intense about it, and I think this is really where it's effective to being appreciated to a metal head, is that it's really intense emotionally...I highly recommend checking this out for something a little different. I am going to be listening to this one for a while." - Brainsmasher

credits

released November 25, 2016

Self - Production, instrumentation, vocals
JB (Hyper Sleep Child) - co-composition and co-production of "I Only thelastsurrealist.bandcamp.com/album/hypogean-blood-fractals-for-a-hypnagogic-sleepWant to Be Loved"

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The Last Surrealist Easton, Pennsylvania

Say something real, or don't say anything at all.

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